Yeah, it’s a sweet, refreshing beverages, but when you’re not using it to take the edge off your whiskey, here are some other awesome hacks and uses for America’s Cola!
If one of these gelatinous bastards attacks you, grab a litre-a Coca-Cola and pour it over the sting for at least 30-seconds. You should still seek medical attention, but the Coke will alleviate the stinging and no one even had to pee on you. Unless you’re into that. No judgement.
ent.
Avoid taking the time to scrape your windshield by pouring Coke over it. Within a minute or two, the ice should turn to slush and brush right off. Don’t waste that shit though. Coke slushies are the tits.
I prefer to stay au-naturale, but if you have a child going through an awkward emo stage, or you just like playing with different hair colors yourself, wash your hair with DIET Coke. It must be diet though. It will wash away any temporary dyes and heavily fade permanent ones.
Is your old “classic” starting to show some rust on the bumper? Don’t pay thousands of dollars to have someone else fix that for you. Just use Coke as a polish and rub that rust right out. Make sure you wipe off any that gets on the paint as well.
If you’ve ever gotten a nosebleed or cut your finger without realizing it, you probably know that even the most expensive laundry soap wont lift that shit out. Instead, soak it in Coke. The soda will lift the stain out. Then just through it in the laundry like you normally would.
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Aww yea, the bane of every chewaholocis existence. Gum in the hair is a fucking nightmare. You either scrape and claw for hours to get it out, or you give it the chop. Well next time, instead of the waiting game or grabbing your scissors, soak your hair in coke and the gum should fall right out.
If you’re a southern fatty like me, chances are you have some sort of recipe with Coke as the ingredient. Coke makes a perfect base for pot roasts and pulled meats—not that kind of pulled meat, pervert. Just throw a can of Coke in your slow cooker with a pork shoulder, turn on the cooker and presto, you’re done!
Thanks to its high acidity levels, Coca-Cola is one of the best germ fighters on the market. To clean that filthy toilet, just pour a can around the sides and let it soak overnight. When you wake up, hit that bowl with a scrub brush and enjoy your new pearly throne.
It seems like at least once a year, the migratory habits of snails bring them right up to my door step. I don’t have a problem with snails, but stepping on them is just funky. If you have a similar problem, and are having trouble tracking them all down, just put out a bowl of Coke overnight and watch them flock.
You can also pour it on ant hills to get rid of those fuckers or, for mosquito relief, put it in a bowl with some saran wrap over the top and get rid of those pesky blood suckers. No word on how well it works on Jehovah’s Witnesses.
When Coca-Cola goes flat it hasn’t lost its usefulness. Pour that flat soda over your compost for an added boost. The acid and sugar will help things break down even faster and you don’t even have to lump on more shit.
No matter how well maintained your automobile is, those pesky oil stains in the driveway seem inevitable. Get rid of them once and for all by soaking them in Coca-Cola for a few hours and then blasting them with the hose.
The creativity of children is wonderful, until it becomes markers on the wall. Put away the belt, there’s no need to beat them because now you have a hack for that—the wall, not the kids. Just take a cloth and dip it in some coke to scrub out the marker without removing the paint.
Or, you know, you could just drink the shit.
